Daniel Goleman states that—EI has little to do with being nice.


In this article, emotional intelligence author Daniel Goleman claims that one of the most persistent things people get wrong about emotional intelligence is that it equates to being ‘nice’—it doesn’t. Goleman says being nice has little to do with emotional intelligence because EI can be faked or applied for personal gain*. Instead, he says four components make up emotional intelligence:

  • Self-awareness.

  • Self-management.

  • Social awareness.

  • Relationship management.

Having strong self-awareness and self-management helps you control any anxiety you might have regarding a difficult conversation. Having social awareness means having a well-developed sense of empathy—seeing situations from the other person’s point of view. Handling conflict is an integral part of relationship management; being able to say what you have to say in a way the other person can hear and understand.

Worth noting this Time Magazine article:

*There’s a Dark Side to Emotional Intelligence. Here’s How to Protect Yourself